Wedding shower etiquette: How too many showers can drain your guests

Are you planning on getting married in the near future?  If so, congratulations!  The celebrations of a man and woman joining their lives through holy matrimony can be joyous and exhilarating.  The costs, however, of joining in pre-wedding celebrations can be nothing for guests in attendance of the occasions to feel joyous about.  In this day and age where it is common for engaged couples to plan large and elaborate weddings, the expectation is that the guests who attend bridal showers and Jack and Jill parties should be gently pressured to “do their part” and provide financial donations towards the happy couple’s big day.  Couples who are getting married need to understand that their guests are not obligated to finance the weddings and lifestyles of the newlyweds simply because they rsvp’d their attendance to the wedding.

Bridal showers are quite common in Canada, the United States of America and in Australia, but people living in other countries in the world do not typically observe the custom of hosting bridal showers.  The bridal shower is typically attended by women who are close to the bride.  The bride might also choose to invite female family members and co-workers of the groom.  Bridal showers are supposed to be about giving tips and advice to the bride about what to expect from marriage and showing support.  However, more than just congratulatory words are expected at bridal showers now.  Many engaged couples make sure that guests know which store they are registered at for gifts.  If guests attending showers do not show up with gifts, the guests are sure to be whispered about behind their backs about how cheap and inconsiderate they are.
People who are getting married usually get so caught up planning the wedding that they forget to realize that the invited guests have other responsibilities and priorities than attending expensive weddings and showers.  Wedding showers used to be only centered on the bride and the female guests of the wedding.  Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly common for men to be including in pre-wedding festivities at Jack and Jill parties, which are unisex wedding parties.  The purpose of a Jack and Jill party is to raise funds for the bride and groom before the wedding, and guests are usually charged a fee to attend.  What many engaged couples forget to remember is that the wedding guests already feel obligated
to give a gift at the wedding.  Not everyone can afford to give a gift at a bridal shower, a separate gift at a Jack and Jill party, and a separate gift at the wedding.
Not only is it expensive to attend wedding showers, it is time-consuming.  As happy as many people are for their loved ones who are getting married, they are bored and irritated at being pressured to attend showers where predictable events like games and gift-giving take place.  Many newly married couples are two-income families.  They likely already have pots, pans, towels, linens and many of the items that they requested in their wedding registry.  Why should friends, co-workers and family members have to feel pressured to give newlyweds more items when they themselves might be financially struggling?
Guests need to pay for their clothes, gifts for the newlyweds, transportation to and from the wedding and the reception and the parties.  Some guests take time off from work in order to be able to attend these events and the most they will get in return is a modest gift, a thank you card and a wedding photo from the bride and groom.  Not only are the guests in attendance under pressure to spend a lot of money at weddings, the bridal party are under pressure too.  The groomsmen and bridesmaids are expected to go out of their way to spend their money and time helping the engaged couple plan events even though these individuals have their own lives and business to attend to.  When planning your wedding, keep in mind that your guests are under no obligation to provide you with gifts, attend all of your showers and cater to your wedding whims.  The fact that your guests are showing support to you by attending your wedding should be thanks enough.
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